"I hate you with a fiery passion heretofore unknown in this galaxy."
John flinched a little from the tone in Rodney's voice. "Hey! You're the one who wanted to explore that section of labs! And all I ever hear is, 'Touch this, Major. Turn this on, Major.' I'm just surprised something like this hasn't happened before."
Carson had to grab Rodney by the back of his now ill-fitting vest in an effort to stop any potential bloodshed. "Major Sheppard, you're not helping matters."
"He started it! She. Whatever." John pretended he didn't hear Ford's choked laugh.
"Did you bring the artifact back with you?" Elizabeth's gaze kept sliding back to Rodney, despite her obvious intention to not stare.
John waved a hand in the vague direction of the labs. "Zelenka has it. He wanted to take a look at it before we tried to turn him - her - Rodney back."
"Dr. Beckett, aside from the obvious, were there any ill effects?"
"Well," Carson cleared his throat. "Since Rodney refused a complete examination, I can't say for certain, but he seems to be in perfect health."
"Perfect health? I'm a woman, you quack!"
"And a perfectly healthy one, at that."
"You were unable to complete your examination?" Elizabeth glared at both Carson and Rodney.
"Ah, yes. H-Sh-Rodney, uh, declined an internal examination."
"Rodney - "
Rodney tried to cross his arms over his chest, but was stymied by the presence of breasts. "Not for a fleet of fully charged ZPMs, Elizabeth."
Everyone in the room carefully avoided looking at the retractable stirrups on the end of the examination table, the conversation grinding to a halt as they all shifted uncomfortably at the thought. The tableau was broken when Zelenka peeked his head around the privacy curtain, zeroing in on John.
"Major Sheppard, I have found mention of your device in the Ancient database. It is only part of the mechanism. The other half reverses the whatever - Rodney?"
Rodney stopped trying to hide behind Carson. "Yes."
"Fascinating. Major Sheppard told me, but... You are the same height, yes? And weight? Yes, yes, conservation of mass, but how...ah, bone density and muscle mass." Zelenka had the fingers of one hand wrapped around Rodney's wrist while the others poked and prodded at the rounded curve of his hip, oblivious to Rodney's discomfort.
"Hey, hands off, okay Doc?" John stepped between them and guided Rodney back a step as the other man dropped his wrist.
"My apologies, Rodney. It is very intriguing, though. Beyond altering your primary and secondary sex characteristics, the device did not feminize your appearance at all. It makes one wonder as to the purpose of such a device."
"I don't care if this is the first step towards making me into Xena Warrior Princess, I want my body back. Now!" Even Rodney winced at the pitch his voice could now reach.
Elizabeth pointed to Ford. "Take a team of strictly non-ATA personnel to the lab and find the second device. Dr. Zelenka?"
"Yes, yes. I go."
A plan now in place, the little room soon cleared of everyone but John and Rodney.
"So, do you want to go back to my room and fool around?"
"What? Like you weren't thinking it?"
The end...for now
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